Everyone knows Eric Cartman. At least, everyone who has a pulse knows who Eric Cartman is. He is notorious for saying things like “I’m not fat, I’m big boned” and “Respect my authoritah.”

He runs his mouth about everything and his opinions are way off base. But, he’s a fourth grader who lives in South Park, Colorado. What can anyone expect? He’s a product of his environment.

What makes Eric Cartman so interesting are the things that he comes up with in every episode. He has opinions on everything from hippies to gun control and he’s not afraid to spout them off without hesitation. So, why not put them to good use?

What if Eric Cartman’s quotes were placed with the appropriate celebrity? Say, Eric’s talking about taking a dump in the woods. What celebrity would that best fit? That’s right, Bear Grylls. And if he’s talking about spending all day on the computer? Steve Jobs, that’s perfect.

You’ve got it. Get ready for the rest of these hilarious quotes as if celebrities had said them.

Bill Gates On The First Law Of Physics

Bieber Telling Us What he’s Been Up To

George R.R. Martin Relishing Misery